And how you can too

Yes, you can tell by the title of this article that I am dealing with jealousy. What jealousy? I have felt some amount of self-pity over poorer than desired sales, especially when compared to authors whose Bible studies sell a thousand copies a month (and more). Or is this envy? The self-pity has come and gone, thankfully not putting down roots.

Or is the jealousy putting down roots? You see, I began to study a bit about jealousy in the Bible to prepare for this article, and I realized I was going to have to say something about my own struggle. So, I told myself to check the list for what I had planned for this month, and found it was ‘joy’. Yes, let’s write up something on JOY (last month regret, this month something uplifting. Classic avoidance, right?) As I shifted gears, the Spirit within me was saddened. As I pushed on, it became more and more clear that I was not to address joy, it wasn’t engaging (What?! Joy wasn’t engaging? Yes, something is wrong!) I knew I had to address jealousy. I am choosing to address this.

Jealousy or Envy?

So, we should begin with addressing this bit about the definition. Is envy the same as jealousy? Envy, according to Merriam-Webster is ‘painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.’ However, we find that jealousy is attitude or feeling ‘hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy and advantage.’ It seems that jealousy differs in the sense of protectiveness about our ‘advantages or attachments.’

Jealousy seems to be about protecting our belongings or relationships; there is a possible fear of losing what we have or of it changing. Envy, however, is about wanting what someone else has.

God’s Jealousy

We have examples of God’s jealousy in the Bible, so it is easier to see how jealousy is not always a bad thing. We know God is love, he is motivated by love and therefore his jealousy is related to love. He loves us so much he doesn’t want to see us hurt or negatively impacted by something, so he is jealous for us. I don’t think he is afraid for us, but rather wants to protect us from whatever may be that is negative about our circumstances and any separation from him.

Exodus 20:4-6 describes how we are his possession, and he seeks to protect us by asking that we obey his laws. His devotion to us is such that he can be angered by jealousy as well (Psalm 78:58, Deuteronomy 6:14-15). His anger is over the threat to our relationship with him. There is no anxiety, bitterness or fear and no frustration or spite in the jealousy that God has for us; he seeks to preserve our hearts and protect us from harm.

We humans are also capable of such jealousy without sin. In Numbers 25:11, Phinehas was jealous for the people of God with a jealousy like God’s jealousy and it turned away the wrath of God. It seems that we too can protect relationships, especially those between God and his people in our jealousy.

Human Jealousy and Envy

More frequently the jealousy that we experience is envy, coveting what another has (expressly forbidden in the 10 Commandments) or a sinful jealousy. Both envy and jealousy are related to covetousness and are the opposite of contentment. Both can lead to bitterness.

Inherently, emotions are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’ until we have acted on them. Emotions are the spirit’s way of saying that something is going on and we should pay attention. Emotions like anger, fear, envy and jealousy make us uncomfortable. That discomfort is a flag from our spirit (and the Spirit) that we need to understand what is going on, check our position with God and correct our misunderstandings. Emotions like happiness, awe, gratitude and accomplishment are also flags that make us take note, though they typically don’t make us uncomfortable.

Emotions are Signals not Sins

Of itself, jealousy or envy are signals that we need to understand what is going on and how God would remind us to address it. They are just signals, not sin. They can become sinful when we dwell on them, and they begin to encompass discontentment and bitterness sets in.

Let’s consider Cain and Abel for a moment as we consider this idea of emotions as signals and not sinful until action is undertaken. In Genesis 4:6, God himself warns Cain that ‘sin is crouching at your door…but you must rule over it.’ Cain was angry but had not sinned; God warned him; Cain killed his brother Abel. It was the killing and the thoughts of killing his brother that were sinful. Cain received a signal of anger yet did not dominate it, and it turned into sin.

An important point to note is that Cain could have dominated his feelings and not sinned. To ‘rule’ over our sin means that we can manage our emotions. It is certainly not passive nor is it ignoring the emotions. ‘To rule’ is active.  

Our emotions come unbidden, but we decide if they take up residence. Certainly, the Holy Spirit in us aids us in this ruling over our emotions as well.

Ruling our Envy and Jealousy

In reviewing these two words that are often used interchangeably, I find that I am dealing with envy. That which I desire is not currently in my possession nor is it mine in any way; I am not seeking to protect anything, so it is not jealousy.

This envy has produced a bit of self-pity and revealed my pride is in the way. I fight it with the knowledge that I am following God’s plan and will for my life. I fight it by leaning into the faithfulness that he has displayed over the years. And I’m actively doing what the Word says to do:

• I have begun taking captive my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5), identifying and calling out the discontentment.

• I have begun to guard my heart (Galatians 5:26), paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s whisperings that I need to address this issue.

• I have drawn near the Lord through Scripture (James 4:7-8) to know God more, to seek him.

• I have set out methods to control my actions and mind (Colossians 3:2), by turning off certain data that updates regularly and brings these envious thoughts to mind.

• I’m deliberately incorporating gratitude into my prayers, acknowledging contentment in every situation through Christ’s strength (Philippians 4:11).

• Celebrate for others rather than be sad for my own imagined lack, for I lack nothing (Psalm 23:1).

It may seem like I’m throwing the whole book at this envy, and maybe I am. I only know that I choose Jesus. Choosing Jesus means that I want to turn to him and not dwell in self-pity and pride; they mean nothing if He is not with me. And if he is not with me, it will be because I have dwelt in the envy and turned my back on him so I cannot see him. It will not be that he is not there, but that I choose not to see him.

I could have closed this with a nice set of encouragement for you to do, and I hope I’ve showed what can be done. I want to share that this fight is real, and I don’t want it undermining my trust in God. I keep repeating the prayer, ‘Help my unbelief!’ I choose Jesus, not to focus on myself and my envy and imagined lack. I choose Jesus, with whom I lack nothing.